NAZ
960907
exo • junmyeon
reading | writing | travelling

없음.
· always.
· 이 느낌
· appreciation
· Truth
· Change
· May the 4th
· 다행이다.
· 난 너만 보는 바보
· 121123 SMTown Live in Singapore
· Wonder

so the fandom has been hit with totally unexpected news so let me just type out how i feel so i can feel marginally better, at the very least.

not going to lie, i was in disbelief and thought it was a joke. the day he didn't go back with the other 11, he could have been visiting family or taking some time off.

i never thought it could lead to this.

wu yifan. i am both disappointed and supportive. part of me hates you and part of me doesn't. you had all this planned out since a month ago. a whole month. how could you have kept on a straight face and tell us to look forward to the concert which is next week? if you were going to do this, the least you could do was to not give us false hope. galaxy, chicken and even coke reminds me of you. how can you do this? i feel so betrayed.

granted, none of us know exactly what happens behind camera. if you were hurting, you could seek comfort in the other members. joonmyun said you depend on him. you said 1+00=100. you said you all are like brothers. you said you love us. you said we'll be together forever. you said you'll always be here.

you fucking lied.

and the timing. why now? why now when they just released the album and the concert is just round the corner? did you plan this with the intention to hurt the other 11? did you only think about yourself? how could you?

but on the other hand, i'm glad you're doing something that's beneficial for your health. i agree, you're doing what's best for you. i'm glad, i support it. i don't want you to stay if being in exo makes you unhappy. i'd rather you be happy elsewhere because your happiness is important, even more than my own. if you're happy then i'm happy too. it doesn't matter if i hurt seeing exo, because at least i know you're happier and safer outside.

the members must be hurting so much right now. please, even if we don't see it, apologise to them. they deserve the apology. they're all hurting and feeling betrayed. zitao has taken to publicly expressing his emotions and it's okay. it hurts for me to read it but that's his way of coping with it so it's okay. everyone else has unfollowed you on instagram. they look very tired and they have puffy eyes. clearly we're not the only ones who have been crying.

please, i beg. even if we fans hurt, please, please let the boys be okay. let the boys be strong. let the boys get through this. please let their relationships survive this. i believe in their friendship. please let them believe in their own friendships too. even if exo will never be 12 again, please, at least let them be okay. let them be on good terms when all this blows over. please, that's all i could ever want.

jongdae. i worry so much about you. you have no social network to vent like tao does. no one knows what you're thinking and what you're feeling. i can only hope and pray that you'll be okay soon. please don't overwork yourself. my dear, your side is my place. wherever you are, that's where i will be. i will never let go. please don't ever let me go.

i will support both sides equally. i will support exo as 11, and i will support yifan. i will never force yifan back into exo because that's clearly not what he wants.

when your one source of happiness becomes the greatest reason you're hurt, where do you go?

they say time heals all wounds. give me time, and i'll be okay. i promise.