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exo • junmyeon
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없음.
· 뭘 해야하는지 잘 모르겠어
· always.
· 이 느낌
· appreciation
· Truth
· Change
· May the 4th
· 다행이다.
· 난 너만 보는 바보
· 121123 SMTown Live in Singapore

how do i start...

well, i love him. that's for sure. people may say that hey, he's an idol and it's not really love. they may be correct but when i see him, my heart starts beating faster and there's a stupid smile on my face that's nearly permanent. when he does something stupid, i laugh at him but then my heart is aching and i end up smiling because i realise i really like this man.

i'm not sure if it's more than idol-fan kind of love, and i honestly don't want to know.

i just needed an outlet... to let out how i feel about this man. kim jongdae. he doesn't know me and we will probably never ever get to have even a conversation, but that's okay. many people don't realise that he's the reason why i'm so happy. he makes me happy even from far away and it may be kind of sad but this is a different kind of love.

there are many types of love and this is one of them.

he makes me happy, there's no denying that. i think of him constantly, worrying whether he's eaten and what he's doing. is he happy? is he doing well? has he eaten? is he tired from practising too much or too many schedules? is he well-rested? is he getting treated well? is he having a good time with his members? does he get time off?

sometimes i do want to be in love with him, i want to be with him. i want to love him, feed him, comfort him when he's down. i want to sleep with him, in both ways. i want to cuddle with him, i want to make love to him.

but at the end of the day, i know that all i can do is watch and admire him from far. i can dream, but they will never ever come true unless a miracle happens. it's kind of sad if i think about it, but i think it's better than not knowing him at all. i'm grateful that he's an idol because then i wouldn't know about him. i want to thank him for sharing his life with us, even if it's only on stage.

i love this man, and there's really no other feeling like it.