NAZ
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exo • junmyeon
reading | writing | travelling

없음.
· Truth
· Change
· May the 4th
· 다행이다.
· 난 너만 보는 바보
· 121123 SMTown Live in Singapore
· Wonder
· Give Up
· Freedom
· RIP

you know you're in too deep when you cry over fan posts and behind-the-scenes stories.
you know you're in too deep when you feel like your heart is bursting when you look at pictures.
you know you're in too deep when you feel like there's no one else you'd love more.
you know you're in too deep when you devote all your extra time to loving these idols.
you know you're in too deep when everything you do is somehow related to them.

but i realise it's not so bad... because ultimately, they are people i've grown to love and care for, and they do bring out the better side of me. because of these idols, i've met so many great people and my friends i made through k-pop are so much better and more trusty than the friends i make in school. because of these idols, i've learnt how to empathise, how to feel, how to think through things. because of these idols, i've become happier and i think that's the most important thing.

sure, ten, twenty years down the lane everything will be left behind. when i get married, when i have my own kids, by then i would have left this k-pop phase. but i will never forget the time i've spent on these idols, because that's when i'm happiest. nothing makes me smile more than my idols do. nothing makes me happier.

it's bittersweet, knowing that i'll have to leave this one day when i get older. part of me knows that i have to let go at some point in my life, but another part of me doesn't want to let go. because i've gained and given so much.

i'm just sentimental because i was reading through some fan posts about my exo boys and the tears flowed non-stop. i realise how much i love these boys and how i would give up a lot for them. one line struck me, even if the seas dried up, i will still say, sorry, i haven't loved you enough.

i love them so much it hurts. it hurts, but i wouldn't want it any other way.